Monday, August 15, 2011

Full Sturgeon Moon/Fish

I certainly do not write about each full moon but some get to me more than others ☺
This moon is often called the full sturgeon moon .I hadn't a clue why . it is also at times called the harvest moon but for me although August is the beginning of harvest season from the garden truly the maturity of the harvest here comes in September & October , which is why we have our Thanksgiving celebration here in Canada in October .
Anyway I really felt called to meditate on this moon.
Because of a fish ?
Yes the sturgeon is a fish I only know of through tales told. To me sturgeon is the great fish of our lake . A sad fact that it is also a very rare fish now .
There are many beautiful stories of the sturgeon fish both myth and real .
My family were and some still are commercial fishermen .Back long ago no one questioned fishing and taking eggs for eating . Just like the building of the first hydro electric dams it seemed good and full of abundance and just such a good thing .
To me the fish like the moon is full , grown to fullness , richness and old . I feel like this too but unlike the moon and the fish I feel weak right now .
I feel tired with my age , I'm achy in my bones, low low energy and the thought of a school yr. beginning leaves me in dread .
Perhaps I am to look towards my ancestors and learn how did they get through these days when aging does not quite seem so majestic and full of grace .
Like that moon & fish I wish my strength to grow .
I want / need my health to be balanced and good .
although I guess the moon now will like the fish begin to diminish and maybe we all need those times too .
I have no answers right now , just many things to ponder as I return to the lake this week.
The lake which is still in need of much healing .

This is a photo of my cousins father , he so looks similar to my grandfather and is a real fisherman !
I may look up the poem ,writing my grandfather wrote about bringing in the nets later and add it to this post but for now I'm off to help one little boy into his big splash of a lake he calls tub ☺

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Reason #3 to Blog for Peace

To honour those who believed in peace before us

Our ancestors
my grandfather died in April 1939 saving the life of another
my grandmother said in a way it was good because he missed world war II which would have broekn his heart ,he really was a man of peace .

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

cleaning house/tubs

Yes that is right I have a clean tub !
please ignore the mess around my tub , please .
I was at a stand still on how to get this thing clean from all the soap scumb build up , my herbal bath tea & henna stains .
Well just yesterday I read in a book to try baking soda with borax and a few drops of essential oil .
kay I was not hopeful .I clean with applecider vinegar even baking soda and of course it is clean but those stains .I want my nice old antique tub to shine in all its glory ☺
So I mixed 1c baking soda 1/4c borax in a yogurt container with lavender oil and shook it all up .
I wet down my sink & tub and sprikled it on .
I scrubbed it with a small scrub pad and then let it sit maybe all of 3 min .I rinsed it off and wow !
gleaming with delight ! my newly scrubbed tub shined right up for me.
okay I could ot get the rust stain off frm under that silver drain thing on the top but hey the tub is awesome !

Making Vinegar ( trying that is )

Yes I'm giving it a go ! trying to make vinegar !
I followed these instructions  but only in a very large amount .
If this works out I also want to make pinapple vinegar so I can make cortido yum yum  

so I got the big crock out of the storage locker .Washed it out with wam soapy water and rinsed well and dried well.

my wonderful sil Summer gave me oodles of apples some green

and some very ripe

I prepared to cut them

I cut them in quarters and they do not have to be seeded , good news because it is easy breezy then

Summer informed me that an icecream pail is 4 liters so I filled it

I sprinkled in 1 c of sugar then layered 1 pail of apples per layer then 1 c sugar again until I had all the layers I wanted

I then covered  up apples with unchlorinated water I'd let sit overnight to let chlorine evaporate .
I had just bought a new cheesecloth for jellies and such so I am using that as a covering tied securly with a string to keep fruit flies out .
it is to set 3-4 weeks stirring once per day

Reason # 1 why I blog for Peace

Yes , God asks me to ☺
we are to be stewards for & to creation .That includes ALL.
of course there are athiests  , neopagsns, hindus,humanists who will also blog for peace and each of us have our own personal  reasons . I do believe that we all who feel called to lead a  life of peacfulness agree and have this one firm belief and foundation  .That is that we are called to care for and respect it all !
We are to try our best to not harm ourselves , areas that we are to care for such as cities, nature , animals etc.
so that is my personal reason #1
I blog for the unknown God

100 Reasons to Blog for Peace

Yes there are !
Last year I discovered via facebook the campaign to blog for Peace .
Blog Blast for Peace  was stared by Mimi a really awesome lady .The project has blossomed into a bright and beautiful Peace Flower .
The offcical day this year to make your pace globe and enter your globe and blog post for peace is Nov.4 but many people do this all year long in many ways .I wrote this last year
 I do not have an offical peace blog because I feel my work against abuse and narural living etc. reflect this .Trying to live life in and with peaceful heart mind and soul.
So one other way people are blogging about it is the 100 Reasons to Blog for Peace
so I am going to goive it a go and try it out . It may take me a whole year but I'm sure I can find 100 reasons to blog for Peace .Maybe you can too ☺  

Monday, August 8, 2011

cleaning house

No this isn't a post about house cleaning lol although I did make laundry soap today ☺
no really I needed a reason to post a pic of my little broom .
nope okay I'm very tired here this granny needs her rest ;-)
 No I am blog cleaning I'm trying t put labels onto all my posts and it is somehow coming up on my network blogs on fb . so I actually just wanted to apologize if by chance people are getting my posts from long ago etc. and overwhelmed by post after post these are not new posts .I just can't find a way to make them not repost after I add a label to the post .I have tried the return to post list feature but then it does not save the labels so I have to click the post button .
I do also hope to try , now this is just still an idea in my head so who knows if I'll get around to it but I hope to make tabs /pages up top to list flowers , herbs trees, roots etc. and their meanings and uses for prayer etc. I just thought it might be handy so people don't have to search through posts .
however like I said this granny is tired so I'm off to bed so I can clean tomorrow ☺

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Healing from Miscarriage ~ physical , emotional & spiritual

As always I've had this topic in my head for sometime before I could actually get around to writing it . Also as usual I will once again say I am not a medical , spiritual or educated professional. I only post what I've come to know based on what at times seems a very long life full of experiences , trial , tribulations , learning & the lessons given .
So the question , do I know miscarriage ? the answer yes . I know miscarriage very well. I know its pain , I know its loss , I know the ways and time in which ones soul heals from this experience .
 Most know I am a very blessed mother of 6 children & one beautiful 5yo grandson .What most do not know is that I am also a mother of 9 miscarried babies and one aborted baby .So I have had to deal with this issue many times .
I have to say I have only dealt with the issue of loosing a baby from the 1st & beginning of the 2nd trimesters . Although I have family & friends who have miscarried at full term I cannot personally say fully how one heals from the loss of experiencing full blown labour and having to hold a child in ones arms who has passed so soon . To me I believe it must be best explained how author Toni Morrison described the loss of a child . Like the loss of a soul mate a life partner that loss does not go away and in fact in a way it would be an insult to the memory of that person by saying we've gotten over it as if to dismiss or forget the person .
 I feel healing & dealing with ones miscarriage is all physical , emotional & spiritual for we know when we suffer physically our emotional state suffers and then from this our spiritual well being can suffer greatly .
I have to say that one of the worst deterrents to healing from miscarriage in all these areas comes from the medical community !
 Yes , I guess it really isn't that big of a surprise that a system that screwed up the birthing process for women would do the same for the loss of a baby .
Physically I feel there is not much they can do in helping prevent miscarriage . In all the times we went to hospital we ended up waiting sitting around or being sent home anyway . A few times I had ultra sound to learn I was loosing the baby which we knew anyway . Most women will end up being told they need a D & C . I 've never had one ! that is right 9 miscarriages and not one D& C . D & C is supposed to prevent infection . I was blessed to have a doctor long ago who knew I knew the signs of infection & to get rid of anything left behind . Well our bodies do this naturally ! If we are looking after ourselves this also should include the uterus and we will not end up with an infected uterus and our bodies will naturally expel any unwanted materials .  ! There are herbs which encourage contractions just as there are ones that help prevent them  I also feel a D& C is like an abortion and can damage the uterus and can in fact lead to further miscarriages do to scarring of the uterine lining it is the same procedure as an abortion in my opinion. I in fact know several women who after miscarriage were indeed still pregnant with another baby .How many times have women experienced a D & C and ended up having another child killed ?
scarring can lead to miscarriage as the placenta will have trouble securing a spot for healthy growth .
I have had only one uterine infection which was not diagnosed via blood testing ultra sound etc. I in fact detected it on my own and healed it on my own via herbs and good health practices. I've written about uterine care before and it is vital in healing from miscarriage . That baby cannot grow healthy unless having a healthy home to be nurtured that healthy home is the womb ☺

 emotionally healing , well I cannot say how vital it is to have emotional support ! Often people will be caring & have empathy for us but it is often short lived . It is a fact that the emotional healing takes time . The amount of time one needs to heal from miscarriage is just like that of loosing a loved one .Grieving takes time and that is part of emotional healing from miscarriage it is a grieving process. We go through all types of emotional stages such as sadness , anger , loneliness etc. There are times we will need to be alone in silence & times we will need others to be with us to be able to speak and get out those feelings a way to express them .
 So for those with friends & family who have and are experiencing miscarriage remember this can takes months to yrs to heal from .
For myself friends , my fellow female sisters have been the greatest support .Often because they too have been through these same emotional ups & downs . I can say the hospital was not supportive in anyway . I've had a friend who had a doctor while giving her an internal exam say " wow a bit of a loose caboose down here aren't we " what a degrading sexist comment ! I at first thought that these comments were from young interns as I experienced the same attitude during one miscarriage wile getting an internal exam a gush of blood came flowing out and the young intern gave a very loud verbal " ooooooooooooooo " I mean if blood disgusts you so much why are you becoming GP anyway ! the last miscarriage experience was that of loosing twins . I went to the hospital with dh . Emotionally we both were a wreck and physically drained too. I explained to the much older doctor & nurse why I was reluctant to come to hospital solely due to my experiences there . He said to me in a condescending voice " so why did you come here then ?" what an arrogant #**!!! well I guess I know now I went there under false hope & false assumption that someone would help save and want to save and cared about my baby like I did !
That was it , I'd miscarried at home , in a bus station , in a hospital washroom . I chose home after that .
I can say the issue of time really came clear to me as well after miscarrying twins . I felt I pathetic , a never ending non healed weak person . Somehow in mainstream society we are supposed to not need healing , always be happy and if we do need healing we are weak . Anyway I prayed about it and just like that I had the "no duh " moment . "Roxie you lost two babies " I was not only grieving the loss of one but two people whom I had been longing to hold , kiss those little heads , hold close to my breast and feed & nurture .Of course it took me a year to heal !

Spiritually , aknowledging this is all happening , our experience is real and our going through it all is valid ! Yes we have the right to grieve the loss of our babies ! what can I say conversation helps , silent beautiful places help. The rosary helps . Seeing we have no control over what comes & goes sometimes.
Yes I have prevented miscarriage before but I have also not been able to prevent miscarriage .
I've gone through anger with God , my dh , myself. It is all apart of healing .
I even had to look at myself as being a tad selfish .  , because really loosing my baby was a part of my wants & yes needs . My being angry that I wanted a baby here and now to hold , to get to know . To raise into adulthood with siblings here on earth . I had to let go .
Life is not just about fulfilling my wants and no matter how painful it is to not have that want I could not stay attached to it forever . I am attached to all my babies forever I am their mother but they are not in need of my mothering in the here and now ,here on earth as our other children are .What if I did not have children here to care for ? We all are needed by each other . Some women never will give birth to birth children yet are called to be mothers through adoption or better yet going out into the world to teach not just a few but hundreds .
Mother is merely the role of female to nurture others .
I can say for me the last 3 miscarriages were the most healing for me . I was actually able to bury our little ones under my rose bush in the garden . I was able to heal and mend in a much more peaceful environment . This was very good for my spirit & soul.Having not just a calm home but calm in our life having dealt with other issues also helped me deal much better with miscarriage .
I also found it a great gift to enter all names of our babies in the Book of Life  this was really good for me as a person who did not have a grave stone for our babies .I was sent a certificate acknowledging each and every baby .  Also think of having yourself a funeral and letting go and releasing time for yourself . Invite others who are close or do this alone . Just as some of us choose t find a sacred place to bury the placenta after a birth there is no reason we cannot to this for our babies lost .
Even if you have no physical baby , perhaps make up a special small box of offerings of memory etc. place inside a blanket , photos , prayer cards etc. what ever you like . Have a little ceremony of release and bury the box . This may become a special place to visit for you at certain times of year etc.
For me I also take great comfort that I have all those women who came before me , my relations ancient women  who have experienced all this before and walk with me embracing me lifting my spirit and walking with me down that continued path which is life .

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Loaf Mass ~ Lammas

Sorry I am a few days late posting my Lammas celebration .
Lammas / loaf mass is a time of graititude like Thanksgiving & for me a time of sharing & giving . Like many pagan holidays such as Thanksgiving & All Hallows eve Lammas was adopted by the Christian communities .
Although when watching Victorian Farm they stated that many churches stopped this celbration as it became very rowdey and loud due to the large consumption of first harvest of spirits ;-)
The readings for Loaf Mass day was that of the multipling of loaves & fishes .To me this is so much better a celebration then the civic holiday we have here in Canada .
This is a time of beginning harvest for us in our country

we pick many flowers


wild herbs

and food

medicinal & spiritual such as sweetgrass

it is also the beginning of the canning season


and collecting

sharing our abundance with others such as in the reading where rather than send people away we are willing to share and give .

such as sage bundles

and of course pickles !

there are many beautiful options to give & share with others for this we are most Grateful